Wednesday, June 25, 2008


all of a sudden monday came and along with it a tidal wave of depression smacked me down into an inability to get going or move or do anything productive whatsoever. took 5 hours to take a shower, by the time i got going it was too late to go, so i hi the pharmacy where i found out my doc had the wrong dose on a rx you can't phone in and i was out of.... that didn't help. i'm scared of loosing it, scared of ending up in the hospital again...i've been in the hospital SO much.....that's scary in itself. then there's, my therapist asked me a couple sessions ago, if i thought i'd ever have my own place, i just cried, said i didn't know, i feel so...incompetent

Friday, June 6, 2008

last drop.

i keep tyring and keep trying and keep trying and trying, i put energy into it, i use my skills,look at my damned diary cards, they've got skills checked off all over the place, i do therapy i do meds i do hospitals i do groups i do programs i do school and nothing seems to change any of my experience. i dont know what to do, i can't think of what to do i dont understand what i need to do to change this. and no one really seems very convinced they know either.