Friday, January 4, 2008

homeless & lonely

i started feeling homeless about...a week or so ago, yes i have a roof over my head, but it's basically a shelter, a 550 dollar a month shelter.... since the staff are abusive i try to stay out most of the day, i'm out of classes and i've just been wasting time at places, malls, my parents house (pretty much just for the computer and food), i feel like i dont belong anywhere, i'm not wanted anywhere, i'm not needed's very distressing, it's lonely, and alone and depressing. i've been having a wanting to run and cry kind of feeling. I was waiting for group the other night and i was actually scanning the place looking for corners to hide in. it's like my brain is just shutting down, it's not safe to feel things at that place, there's no privacy, and it's starting to interfere in my treatment. i left a note for my case manager, trying to underscore how much i need to get out of that place and why. she wanted me to hang in there at that place for another few MONTHS. i realy don't want to and can't afford to end up in a hospital, especially since none of them around here have trauma programs, and most keep trying to dx me with bipolar, the last one said i was delusional.

it just seems so....pointless, but logically, not just emotionally like before...

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