Sunday, May 18, 2008

group flash

some innocent thing in a mindfulness exercise triggered a memory. we were listening to a children's story, a fairytale. there was a word mentioned, "hourglass", "hourglass figure". a boy in high school, a year back from me, he said he liked my hourglass figure, how beatiful i was. after high school, we were at his place, I forget why, but we were there, he decided to do something, he intended it to be something good, somehting for me, something to make me feel better...and had i been in an ordinary loniness or sadness and not depression brought on by abuse......and had i not been victim of trauma....maybe it would have felt good. he.................did a very, adult act, and i "let" him, i'm sure now that i probably froze, got scared, figured if i didn't move it would go away,... i started crying, either during or after, and he cursed himself, he told me he thought it would make me feel better, he said he wasn't thinking, he said he was sorry, and I believe him, i could tell he was sorry, regretful....but still, it gives me memories i dont want..........feelings i dont like...

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