Thursday, December 27, 2007

starry night

but now, things are happening. weird, odd, intrusive, scary, unknowable things. things i dont have control over, but if i'm not controling them, who is? you have no idea how it feels. it's different then scared, or scary or freightened, it's a new, unkown universe all to itself. with walls that won't let you in, but yet whatever's inside out into your mind. I'm afraid I've become a part of an unknown percentage of the population that has been at some point in their lives thrust into a world they don't know, a world they've become lost in, a world where they are alone and yet filled with lonely people. Laying on the ground, staring at the stars, wondering what's up there, wondering how far it goes, wondering if there's life out there, life that can make contact, life that can communicate, new intelligences, new information... that is how my own self has become. That is how it feels to pear into my consciousness, a feeling of unknown, a vast unkown, one that I fear could swallow me whole if I let it, and yet, I have to let it. I have to let it in order to continue to survive. I have to jump into the unkown, without a net, without a lifeboat, without another, just close your eyes and jump. Be swallowed into the dark, hopefully to come out somewhere, somewhen on the other side, hoping for some point of light to develope in the darkness, hoping for a light to apear, to become a space, a place, a place where I can discover truths not known, a place to see years past lost, a place to know myself.

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